ISSUE NO. 25
It’s about time CM Punk faced some consequences.
Kayfabe consequences, to be clear. Lord knows, the past couple of years for Punk have been all about real-life ramifications, so that’s not what this is about. This is about feud balance. The storyline scales. Making sure that the CM Punk vs. Drew McIntyre feud, and future one-on-one match hype, is all it can be. And now that Seth Rollins is in the mix, promising a reckoning, this particular angle may just get the extra footing it needs to keep going.
Because we don’t know when Punk vs. Drew is happening for realsies. SummerSlam seems/seemed like the perfect time for it – as well as Rhea vs. Liv – but that’s all dependent on how injury rehab shakes out for everyone. Punk screwing Drew at Money in the Bank was an exciting in-the-moment bit of business but it ultimately left an askew aftertaste. It was too close to the Glasgow Screwjob and it undercut the beat-down Drew gave Punk the week prior, which had already occurred, unsatisfyingly, off-screen (perhaps due to Punk’s limited physicality).
Now I just want Drew to triumph soooo freakin’ badly.
I’m a huge fan of both professional wrestlers and have been way invested in this superb, drawn-out story, but now it feels like we’re in the Sisyphean weeds. It’s just a repetitive curse for Drew now. Like when Sandman (the comic book deity, not ECW’s chain-smoking Captain America) hexed that guy into having an eternity of waking nightmares-within-waking-nightmares. It’s pretty gruesome to watch. It's too one-sided now and bordering on full comedy.
I am a big CM Punk mark/smark/stan/simp/appreciator. Like many. Someone who’s perhaps even made too many excuses for his anger issues and impulse control obstacles in the past. And even I want to see him get obliterated here. Drew returning and giving him a beating isn’t enough. We just did that. It barely stuck. In fact, Drew even getting a Claymore victory over Punk doesn’t feel like enough either. I’d hate to see this head into home invasion territory, but… is that our last recourse?
We’d all be over the moon if AJ Lee appeared back on WWE TV again, but I don’t think that’s how we’d want it to go. There was some online hope that she’d be the one to distract Drew at MITB but that was mostly because A: she’s a part of the story now because of the bracelet, and B: Punk was supposed to be down for the count because of the beating.
At this point, Punk doesn’t just need to lose. He can’t only lose his match with Drew. Drew needs to win. Drew needs to get that title somehow. Things need to come up Milhouse. Because underneath this fabulous circus, I think there’s an actual relatable and worthy message creeping up here. That violence begats violence and you wind up selfishly creating cycles of retribution that you don’t anticipate. Seth promised that as soon as Punk is back he’s going to break his arm before he can even say the name “Drew McIntyre.” Which sounds perfect. It’s time for Punk to get caught in the loop of just deserts.
This has been an all-killer/no-filler feud and it says a lot that I’m now actually looking for Punk to get punked in a big way. Punk hasn’t truly expressed any career aspirations upon his return other than, at the outset, winning the Rumble. So there’s no apple cart to upset here, really. Drew is easy to wreck and spoil because his goals are always clear. That means the way to get at Punk is to thwart his revenge against Drew.
And I guess also kidnap Larry or something? Oh, man. What if Drew Big Boss Man’d Larry to Punk? As in, Larry gets Pepper’d. Honestly, that would be incredible. And old school Punk would then keep Larry out of public view for it to work. The bit would be too strong to resist. And then Drew could sell shirts that read “I fileted for this.”
Speaking of revenge schemes, Jeff Jarrett did wind up getting the final word with Adam Page, and the Owen Cup on Dynamite, when he counted to three and handed Bryan Danielson the big bloody win. That was a fine, fitting finish that now sets Danielson up to headline All In with Swerve.
I’ve been posting a lot of polls in these columns as of late and not really following up on them so let’s actually look back to last week and what y’all wanted for Cody Rhodes and his championship.
With about 2,200 votes, 55.5% of you folks wanted Cody to keep his WWE Universal Championship until he faces The Rock. But then, if he had to lose the belt, the majority of the votes went to Randy Orton as the new champ. About 38% (with LA Knight second at 21%). I guess I’m never not marveling at Orton’s enduring fandom. Which seems to have even grown bigger now since his return.
I get that he’s also one of the few remaining long-timers left so that automatically produces some reverence, but he’s always been the CBS of WWE for me. Like, wildly successful but I don’t know a single fan. As if his fandom exists within a totally different pocket universe from anything I interact with. It’s like if S.W.A.T. heard voices in its head.
In closing here, I’ve got a poll to wiggle atcha. There’s a lot going on this week, from Mariah May turning on Toni Storm to Rhea Ripley returning right as Dominik starts doing home plate slides into Liv Morgan’s crotch to Joe Hendry teaming with Trick Williams in NXT*. This poll, though, concerns the Howdy-Gable angle.
*It’s wild to me that Hendry’s in NXT, spreading joy and silliness, while Bo Dallas, the OG Hendry, is dark and twisted and leaving bodies in his wake up on RAW.
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