ISSUE NO. 23
Greetings, fellow wrasslefiends. I’m writing this week’s column under duress of De Quervain tenosynovitis, which is a far too fantastical term for a f***ed-up wrist. It’s known around town as "Mommy Thumb," and heeded on the dark web as Incel Fist (it’s when you get so mad because there’s a POC in your make'em-up space stories that you just shake your hands to the heavens in a raaaagggge).
Anyhow, this week’s write-up will be a touch shorter than usual, I think, because of the blistering pain I feel. Which may be a boon to those of all who’ve reached out to me, a complete stranger, online to call me a disgraceful pig and other charming epithets because I said that I was excited about Uncle Howdy making his debut. Man, you take six years off from writing a weekly IGN wrestling column and the internet takes a TURN, doesn’t it? It’s bad out here.
But you know what’s good out here? As usual? Liv Morgan. Taking everything from Rhea Ripley. And when these two finally clash at SummerSlam (or after), it will be like the AvP tagline, with a tweak: Whoever wins - WE WIN! Man, the Punk and Rhea injuries have sure led to WWE’s most exciting, long-gestating non-Bloodline related fueds in a while, have they not?
This past Raw, Liv made it clear that she wasn’t just after Dominik (or “Daddy Dom,” as she called him, seemingly testing the TV-MA aspects of Raw for when it heads to Netflix), she was after The Judgement Day itself. Possibly even as the new leader.
They’ve had Damian Priest moving further and further away from his lads for a long while now, and if Damian splits -- as he tries to stand on his own two feet as champ (and he almost lost a full f’n foot doing it back at Clash) -- then there's a Judgement vacuum. Which was my least favorite Fiona Apple album.
Post-’Mania, Damian and Rhea were riding high as the two top doggos and Judgement Day was in for a new rebirth as a stable. And even at that time, many considered Rhea to be the de facto leader. Which means Liv can now easily swoop in and take that from her. And not just with massive platters of chicken nuggies for her stunted man-child but with big title wins for Finn and JD!
When Rhea eventually returns (and congrats on the Aussie nuptials, aka Wifey Groomy!), it looks like she’ll be staring down the barrel of a cerebrally-assassinated Judgement Day. With Liv on top. The timetable’s the real wild card now, though. Will Liv fully succeed in this endeavor? How long will it take for Dom – if he actually isn’t having an affair with Liv in secret already – to eventually turn to the Liv side? Or will that even happen? Regardless, I’m here for Liv’s all-out Chicago Way war that she’s waging, slowly stripping everything away that Rhea Mami’d into existence. She and Punk are doing the full-tilt life-ruining options and it's glorious.
In other righteous Raw happenings, instead of the Wyatt Sicks (I’m just gonna stick with this labeling) taking a break after their landmark trail of blood debut and just settling for Raw and SmackDown recaps of the atrocity exhibit, they were back in a big and emotional way.
I never would have expected, at least this soon, for Bo Dallas to unmask the way he did and talk openly about Bray’s passing. Last week, I wondered how they were going to reconcile the Funhouse monsters and the very real wrestlers we knew were under the masks and makeup. Like, that’s Nikki. That’s Erick. That’s Dexter. Etc.
But now that Bo’s outed himself -- and everyone’s also now remembering seven months ago when Nikki was written off TV when she basically began staring off into space in a catatonic state, as if possessed by a demonic force -- it’s more clear now that it’s not going to be a weird kayfabe cover-up. And it makes sense too that many of these ghouls were sort of abandoned or cast off, gimmick-wise. And now they’ve become the new family of Bo, who’s one of the biggest NXT examples of squandering ever. Thematically, it tracks.
But yeah, that “interview” segment with Howdy and Bo was magnificent. Just very piercing and clear and heartbreaking while also feeding into the anger of Bo and the malignancy of Howdy. Of course, some people will never, ever be comfortable with any wrestling angle involving a real-life tragedy. It does feel exploitative in some regard. Just automatically.
And also, for some people, based on their own parasocial comfort, it will never be okay even if the story's got the direct blessing and involvement of those closest to the situation. And that’s okay. You don't have to engage with it. Don’t watch it. Just don’t rail over it. Don’t turn the world wide web into a place filled with people who are certain that they know better than the people immersed in, connected to, and actually cultivating and creating the actual thing. Oh wait...
And then there’s Chad Gable out here. No Weeks Off Gable. Straight up no-selling brutal murder. Back within days from an un-lifening head wound. And winning the big match too! They’re not doing the phony amnesia angle like I thought, but they are doing the “turned over a new leaf” bit. But is it for realsies? He got a heel(ish) win in that Triple Threat match so it seems duplicitous. Also, Heel Gable is better business. Man, if anyone should BO-LIEVE right now, it’s him.
I'm closing this out with a quick note about Forbidden Door. I’m not doing my usual predictions (mostly because AEW usually has TWO more shows after I write this, before their PPVs, and that messes up most Opposite Momentum picks) but… how do y’all think Swerve vs. Ospreay is gonna go? Are we getting a DQ or a draw out of this one? They’re pushing Ospreay to the moon right now but it seems way too soon to yank Swerve’s belt. But then Swerve does get the OM loss if we’re just going by his House Call to Ospreay on Dynamite.
Sound Off!
Btw, one of the best Lucha Underground matches came during its third season when Killshot (a masked Swerve) faced Dante Fox in a Hell of War match -- which was two out of three falls bout with changing stips each fall. It went from First Blood to No DQ to Ambulance Match. Google that s***, watch that s***, and enjoy that s***.
KNEELIFT!
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